mpregcraig:

QUESTION 1: Your wife, the mother of your children, is drowning. You have a life preserver. However, a customer requires your assistance. What do you do?

QUESTION 2: A man has been caught stealing from the company and he is currently awaiting execution. You are the executioner. Do you pull the trigger?

QUESTION 3: Which sentence best describes yourself?

– I have clinical depression.

– I’m ready to be productive!

QUESTION 4: Which sentence best describes yourself?

– I try to do things to the best of ability.

– I am willing to bleed for you.

QUESTION 5: Are you afraid to die?

indigobluerose:

airyairyquitecontrary:

jeffer-sin:

what’s the difference between ninjas and stage crew?

ninjas move silently around walls, stage crew moves walls around silently.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS SO GREAT

The depiction of ninjas as dressed all in black comes from traditional Japanese theatre.  Actual historical ninjas didn’t dress in black because it’s conspicuous as hell in the daytime and even at night in the dark a person dressed in solid black tends to stand out; dark grey or blue is better for hiding in shadows.  Usually they just wore ordinary, like, people clothes which are far better for blending into your surroundings in than a specialised professional costume.

BUT YOU KNOW WHO DID DRESS ALL IN BLACK LIKE THAT

the stage crew in a theatre

and it was a generally accepted convention that the black-clad stagehands were invisible, so they could be on stage at the same time as the actors and move things around and the audience would just mentally CG them out

but then one day because a director was a GENIUS, during an otherwise normal performance of a play, suddenly a stagehand stepped forward, assassinated one of the main characters and then melted back into the background

THEY WERE A NINJA

AND THE AUDIENCE LOST THEIR MINDS BECAUSE IT WAS AMAZING

and eventually it lost its mind-blow value because after a while everyone had seen a play like that, so although the “stagehands wear black and are invisible” convention continued, the new “ninjas wear black and are invisible until they choose to strike” convention became established, and from then on fictional ninjas have just worn black because it looks so cool.

So in fact the answer to “What’s the difference between ninjas and stage crew?” is “You will never know until they stab you.”

Okay this is the first time I have heard the second half of this information and it’s so much better now.

sinbadism:

fozmeadows:

flatluigi:

veliseraptor:

seagodofmagic:

veliseraptor:

okay but I did not know that there is a story about f. scott fitzgerald nervously showing ernest hemingway his penis because zelda said he couldn’t satisfy a woman with it and ernest hemingway was like “lol no dude you’re fine”

what are the modernists even

the best part of that story in context is that before they pull out their dicks, hemingway spends the better part of a chapter physically describing fitzgerald in great detail, claiming to be grossed out by him but obviously, obviously uncomfortably attracted

oh my god, it got better. I just went to find an excerpt and

Scott was a man then who looked like a boy with a face between handsome and pretty. He had very fair wavy hair, a high forehead, excited and friendly eyes and a delicate long-lipped Irish mouth that, on a girl, would have been the mouth of a beauty. His chin was well built and he had good ears and a handsome, almost beautiful, unmarked nose. This should not have added up to a pretty face, but that came from the coloring, the very fair hair and the mouth. The mouth worried you until you knew him and then it worried you more.

ernest hemingway calm down and control your thirst a little

“The mouth worried you until you knew him and then it worried you more“ is a hell of a line 

No Homo: A Literary Masterpiece

What’s amazing about this is that Hemingway’s writing is never this good in any other situation