reallyshittyzodiacposts:

Aries: General Bone Matter. Leads expeditions to force current world leaders out of their homes, thus taking over their centers of command. For example, Buckingham Palace has been taken over as a communication hub for skeletons.

Taurus: Harvests new skeletons from freshly dead bodies. Once they’re buried, the Harvester digs up the body using a shovel made from a shattered piece of skull. The new warrior rises, ready to fulfill their Skeleton Duty.

Gemini: The weapons master of the Skeleton Army. Most weapons are made out of the scattered bones of fallen soldiers. Recently made a battle axe out of the sharpened skull of a fallen friend.

Cancer: In charge of propaganda. Creates posters made of dried bone matter, encouraging skeletons to join the cause of the Skeleton War. Why should their time on this Earth end when they’re dead? That’s right. It shouldn’t.

Leo: Provides new bones to injured- but not shattered- skeletons, so they can continue their service in the Skeleton War. All broken skeletons are harvested and used for this purpose- refitting new bones to injured soldiers.

Virgo: A young, freshly dead entrepreneur who admires Captain Bones and defends whatever the cause behind the Skeleton War is.

Libra: The spy for the human governments. This skeleton is still loyal to their old way of life and spies on what the Skeleton Army does. However, they must be cautious; if they’re caught, they’ll be dismantled entirely, as all traitor skeletons are.

Scorpio: The crazy-strong skeleton soldier who wields a giant war hammer made of twenty skeletons all mashed together. Will smash anything in their path, be they humans or skeletons.

Sagittarius: Captain Bones, the leader of the Skeleton Army. Has a tragic backstory and is missing one femur and part of their pelvic bone.

Capricorn: Freshly dead skeleton who has no idea what the hell the Skeleton War is. All they wanted was a mansion in heaven, but great. Now they’re being drafted into a war they didn’t know about. Awesome. This is just perfect.

Aquarius: The Skeleton Court Jester. Tries to make the leaders of the Skeleton army laugh, but this usually just turns into disconcerting bone rattling. Still, it’s not a bad job.

Pisces: In charge of training all freshly dead skeletons to be soldiers. This training program, because they developed it themselves, is rigorous, but not impossible. Why? Because skeletons don’t run out of breath.