Dear Supervillian, I just learned that my best friend; my absolute best friend since I was five and she was six and now we’re twenty and twenty one stabbed me in the back. Again And I am so sad. And I am so mad. And I really don’t know what to do. Because I love her I really do, we’ve always been like sisters, but I just cannot keep going through this over and over again. I would date a fuckboy if I wanted a relationship like this. How do cut people off that you love so much but are toxic?

advicefromasupervillain:

Basically, you say that. “Hey, I love you so much, but I think our relationship has become very toxic and it’s time for me to get some distance from you.” Attempt to speak to their best self that you know is in there. Then stop contacting them — and that includes everything. Unfriend them on Facebook, mute them on Twitter, block them from your Instagram. Cold turkey is cold turkey. It’s easier that way, like ripping off a band-aid.

If she really wants to know what she’s done wrong, feel free to tell her. However — and you may not like to hear this, many people don’t — relationships are a two-way street. Always. There are egregious circumstances (abuse, violence, rape, etc) and those circumstances are not ones I’m talking about. I’m talking about relationships that are not so bad as to be outright abusive, but have become toxic and unpleasant or both involved.

Here is that thing you may not like: you are both responsible for that. You, for not setting boundaries; her, for apparently being a thoughtless and hurtful ass (I don’t know the details). 

This is hard. I understand it’s hard. It’s hard to not want to give the people we love a thousand chances. It’s hard not to forgive them over and over again. And it’s hard to recognize that, in forgiving over and over again, in giving a thousand chances, we’re ceding big chunks of ourselves. We aren’t watching out for ourselves. We have a responsibility to be on our own side.

But real love doesn’t require a continued sacrifice of one’s own well-being. Real love flows freely back and forth. Real love expands. If two people are not both willing to give real love, there is nothing that can be done to save the relationship, whatever the nature of that relationship may be.

Yours, 
A Supervillain